i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
