I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
