just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
