Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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