I am midnight drunk by noon
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
