you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
