Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
