Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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