I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
