I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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