soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize