i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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