The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If I die, sorry about rent.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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