I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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