Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
