can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
