This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
