hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
