No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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