It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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