On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
