Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
