I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The adults are the big ones right?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
