I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
