Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You were trust falling into bushes
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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