Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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