I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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