dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
