Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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