am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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