Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
