It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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