I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm just crazy horny about you
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
