Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
