i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
