ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize