Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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