I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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