i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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