She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
