yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
