you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
