as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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