I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
