I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
