i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
