I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
