Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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