So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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