I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
