Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
