This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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