You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
