I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
