oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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