Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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