im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
