Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
