i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
