Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize