Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
