my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
