Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
