I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
