ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
