Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
