I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Randomize
