remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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