I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
