I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
