Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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